He Flies through the Air With the Greatest of Ease..

William has added to his list of future occupations: trapeze artist. Where he got this, I don't know. I asked if he was going to be in the circus and he got quite agitated. No, I'm not going to be in the circus. I'm going to be on a trapeze. Add this to the growing list of occupations:

• 'Struction Worker
• Gymnast
• Diver
• Piano instructor
• Olympic diver
• Trapeze artist

Dh says it sounds more like he's trying to become one of the Village People. Well, and he does play ball for the YMCA. There you go.

Why It is Better to Have the Boys in Uncle Keith's Canoe

An Open Letter to Tiger Woods

Hi! My name is William. I read in the newspaper that your leg is broken. I wanted to make you a card so you feel better. I am your big fan. Get well soon! William

Lessons for William

On the way to StuffMart, I outlined our errands for William. They included voting. He asked what that was and after a brief explanation, he asked if I was running for President (bless his little heart). No, I replied, it would require me to be away from him for much of the day and that would not be what we wanted. So, he asked if Daddy was running for President then. No, Daddy is not running for President, as he isn't a politician. What is a politician? Well, it's someone who helps to run the government. What is the government? Well, it is the structure that makes the laws and such that help run our country. A lot of lawyers are polititians for that reason. What is a lawyer? Well, .....and so on. He can exhaust me in under a minute.

We proceeded to StuffMart where he perused the Star Wars aisle in need of spending his allowance. Allowance is the best thing ever invented for a little kid. I am often now asked, "I want this, but am I paying or you?" which often determines whether the item is really all that desirable after all. He's been saving weekly for some time to buy a costly Lego Star Wars ship. It bothered him, however, that he would have to use all of his money to purchase it. He settled for a ship that cost half of the desired ship, as he can't stand the idea of using all of his money.

Allowance also allows for the idea of trading smaller bills for larger, counting the available cash and subtracting the cost of the purchase. We came back to the subject of the government when I explained that he not only had to pay for the ship, but also pay tax on it. What is tax? Well, taxes are what the government collects to build roads, schools...."Well, I'm not going to school. I'm going to homeschool." I guess that settles that!

Farm Notes
A retired neighbor took four loads of manure from us, which was a favor really. Yet, he thought we'd done him a favor and wanted to give something of himself back. He brought five newborn chickies to us. I don't know the breed, and will have to ask him. Pray for hens.

Dh cut some of the taller grass this past weekend, including an area where our ailing septic system has left a "slick". We laughed that we'd had the same thought - of boys using the black slime as a "slip-n-slide".

Today, I noticed policemen all over town pulling over cars, though I could see no violation myself. At my volunteer job, I found out that two separate cases of an escaped prisoner were being worked this morning. In one case, it was 40 miles away, yet the guy used to live here. No details on the other case. I hope they got them.

Homeschooling at Its Finest

Wm and I went to the main library downtown last night where there was a display in honor of Lincoln. Wm knows who he is, as we'd seen the display before and discussed it. He, however, decided to display a different side to the world and declared loudly, "He looks like the first Willie Wonka." I'm so proud.

You're Not as Clean as You Think

William and I were in the YMCA's indoor pool last weekend, which was moderately crowded and watched by two lifeguards. We were playing with one of those foam noodles, hollow in the middle, that are supposed to be used to aid flotation. Unless you are a boy, and then it is used as a water cannon. Trying to divert Wm from shooting water at nearby swimmers, I suggested that we use it to talk secretly to each other. Demonstrating, I held it up to my ear, only to have a burst of water forcibly pushed into one ear canal and out the other. Wm, at the other end of the tube, laughed uproariously.

My automatic response was to fill the tube with water and blow water onto him. He had the tube currently about eye level. Just as I blew the water, he decided to follow my suggestion and speak into the tube, moving it into the vicinity of his mouth just as I shot the water from the tube. The water shot into his mouth all at once as a surprised look came over his face. He sputtered and then began turning red. Oh, Lord, I thought, he's choking to death and it's my fault. Swallow, swallow, I encouraged him.

That's when he began retching, and I, an experienced mother knew what was coming - he was going to throw up in the pool and they'd have to evacuate, call Homeland Security, and drain the pool. I'd be posted on the bulletin board with known terrorists at the Post Office. I moved him as quickly as I could to the side of the pool, but it was already coming out. Holding my hand over his mouth as most mothers do without thinking so that you can somehow catch the vomit or somehow shove it back into his mouth until you are someplace else (something NO ONE would ever thinkingly do), I can remember pondering "what is this you had to eat? It's blue. And some pink. Oh, yes, blueberry muffins for breakfast".

Getting him to the pool drain, I rinsed off his face and the drain while looking out of the corner of my eyes. Did the lifeguards see? Did anyone else? No, phew! Then, Will let out a huge, "YUCK!" because he had slime all down his floaty bathing suit. I jumped out of the pool, pulled him after me and ran to the ladies' locker room and hosed him down in the shower. Quickly, we returned the the pool, got in and acted like nothing happened. I added in a little whistling to make sure.

Then I caught the eye of a mom nearby. She looked at me with that "look". She glanced up at the lifeguard, and then just ever so slowly, shepherded her kids away from us. I wanted to shout, "He's not sick - I just almost drowned him, that's all!" I looked down to see a filament of yuck with a purple piece of blueberry attached float by and decided it was time to leave. I will probably never think of the cleanliness of a public pool in the same way again.