Just Call Me "Rumple" for Short

Once upon a time, there was a poor card production director (doesn't have the same ring as "miller", does it?) who had two beautiful daughters. The daughters had two horses that ate like, well, horses. After a severe drought, all the hay in the kingdom had disappeared and their pile of hay grew smaller and smaller. The girls wept with worry about their horses. The winter loomed long and cold before them, and nearly all the grass was gone.

Now, their father was married to their mother (a very strange occurrence in these times and in fairy tales in general. Generally, the mother is dead in these stories.) The mother thought long and hard, and told the girls that she would go to town to the spinning wheel in the wall, where one can turn gold into straw (or hay in this case). They all piled into their old pickup chariot, and went to town, where after inputting the password "Rumpelstiltskin" the wheels spun and out came "gold" that the father, locked in his cubicle, worked night and day to produce.

Gold in her hand, the mother thought briefly of vacations in the Caribbean or Napa Valley, but the moment passed and she took the gold to the only man in the village who had a pile of hay left. There, she gave over the treasure and piled the hay into the back of the truck. The beautiful daughters smiled, knowing that the horses will be warm and happy all winter. The end.