I love those child development charts, don't you? The ones that tell you if Johnny is progressing at age level and is ready to go to school? They missed a few really important ones:
- Can play PlayStation for 8 hours straight without needing a bathroom break. Shows control of bladder
- Can wipe his own arse, but may still need help washing hands to get "it" off of his hands
- Speaks phrases of Spanish from watching "Go, Diego, Go", necessitating the employ of a translator.
- Can make his own "manly" food, like microwave popcorn and chicken patty sandwiches. Makes them repeatedly without bothering anyone else for help, eating his weight in them daily.
- Is adept at manipulating all the adults around him to do his beck and call
- Dresses and undresses without help, fifty times a day.
- Shows creativity in language development: "I knowed it because Aidan telled me."
- Can snore like his daddy
- Can quote SpongeBob
I'm sure those of you having experienced five year olds can join me in revising these lists, which are obviously missing key milestones.