Friday, February 06, 2009

Ashes, Coffee, and Cannibalism

Last Sunday, our family was driving through the snowy streets toward home. We passed the town cemetary, and for no particular reason, I turned to dh and said that I ought sometime to go in there and pick out my "space". Dh's reply was that I would not need a space, given that he was going to have me cremated should I die before him.

Now, he knows that I don't want to be cremated (it is now here on record!), especially after hearing on the radio that when a body is cremated, it makes the bones very brittle but does not dissolve you completely into a pile of ashes like Wiley Coyote on a Roadrunner cartoon. They then take the bones and grind them up. Dh says he's going to borrow my friend's Vitamixer.

Huff. No, I said, I saw Meet the Parents. Remember when grandma or whoever's ashes are knocked off the mantel by the cat which then proceeds to use the ashes as a litter box. No thank you. Bury me with a tree planted on top. My body will nourish the tree.

No, dh insisted. He'll cremate me and use a spoonful each day in his cereal. He laughs. A chorus of "EWWWWWW" comes from the kids in the back. No, maybe he'll just put a spoon in his coffee each morning. More "Ewwwwwwwwww!", this time I join them. That is just gross. Well, he said, they do call it a crem-atorium. I will leave this life and become coffee creamer. Just what I always aspired to be.


Kristen Painter said...

I don't care what happens to me after I die. It's just a body.

In some places in Mexico, they make and drink a special hot chocolate that has ashes of their dead loved one in it. I remember this from a college report I did on the Day Of The Dead, but that's about all I remember.

pita-woman said...

Well J/M, unless you're buried in a private family cemetery somewhere, it's doubtful that the town-cemetery will allow a tree to be planted on your grave, so you won't be fertilizing much.
Yes, it's true, the bones are ground down to a chunky-powder after they come out of the "oven".
Instead of sitting on a shelf waiting for the cat to make use of you, you could always have your ashes buried in the cemetery, or else spread, either in a cemetery scattering garden, or have your surviving loved ones take you on a trip and spread your ashes at some favorite place, perhaps along a favorite horse-trail.

Travis Erwin said...

I'm with you. I'd rather end up in a ditch with coyotes snacking on my bones than to be cremated.

Kristina said...

Oh, I love his sense of humor. I've always wanted to be cremated. I want to be scattered in the ocean. Gary has always wanted to be cremated, but recently changed his mind and decided he wants to be buried in Arlington. That's interesting about the bones. I just hate the cold so much that I don't want to be buried in the cold ground.

Junosmom said...

Kristen - I think I did hear about that from someone about Mexico.

PITA, I hear tell there is a new Catholic cemetery in the works in our county. Maybe I'll have to get on the BOD to tell them I want a tree planted on me.

I'm with you, Travis.

Kristina, I've googled it, and there's lots of hits to support that the bones are ground, and that ashes do contain bone chips, bridge work (though I haven't any) and other non-ashy stuff.

Cloudia said...

Please stick around a while longer!
Aloha, J


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