Sunday, October 26, 2008

You Really Know You're a Hayseed When....

Friday, my girls and I ventured to the city to listen to a presentation specifically geared to homeschoolers by a university . Except for the lack of coffee which I thought would show better hospitality, we were well treated and enjoyed the informative presentation in a very nice auditorium. As I sat listening, the air conditioning kicked on and the air circulated a bit. Sniff, sniff. Someone had a problem. I did the little look around to see if anyone was squirming in their seat or looking embarrassed. No, no reaction. Maybe it was nothing.

A little while later, I was again greeted with a less than pleasant aroma. Man! I took a breath mint from my purse. Maybe it would mask the odor. Then, I noticed that the aroma occurred when I uncrossed one leg and crossed the other. I switched again. Yes, it was me! OH, NO, I had horse manure on my shoes! Here I was all in my new clothes thinking I was so spiffy and non-homeschooling-mom looking and I smelled like a just laid green horse turd. (For those of you who are not cognoscenti, green horse manure is much smellier than the blacker apples.)

I knew how this happened to my good Lands' End shoes. I'd gotten ready to go play "welcome wagon" to our new neighbors, putting on my good shoes, when we noticed that the miniature horses had ventured in with the big horses. Though they sometimes get along, we decided to put them in a stall before leaving in the event they might start running or messing with the neighbor's horses. In doing so, I stepped in it, literally. That day, I quickly changed shoes, and the event went out of my mind until that afternoon in the auditorium.

I quietly slinked out to the women's bathroom, took off my shoe and sniffed. And, about fainted. I began cleaning the shoe in the sink, praying that another homeschool mom didn't hear nature's call and come in and see me smelling the bottom of my shoe. I got it cleaned but then noticed that my shoes were suede and now had clear water marks on one shoe, not the other. So, I quickly put water on the other shoe. Thankfully, it was raining that day. No one would notice.

I slipped back into my seat, crossed my legs, and breathed a sign of relief. No one knew I was a yahoo. Then - the air kicked on and I smelled it again. And again. It wasn't my shoe. I don't know what it was, but at the very least, I knew my shoes were now clean.

5 comments:

Jenny Jill said...

That is just a hoot!

I spent 25 years in downtown Toronto, then another 25 in a smaller city, Ottawa. When I moved to Muskoka I had to dump my city shoes altogether. I left my power suits in the closet, gave them away as I gained weight. Then had to find a new hairdresser. (I was feeling so ugly!) Three hairdressers later, feeling better!

I have an on-line portfolio,that might be of help to Homeschoolers. Since I had to give up my job to provide palliative care to my parents I no longer use it when delivering workshops --someone ought to find it useful! Lots of teaching ideas.

chuckmccky said...

Perhaps the manure you smelled after cleaning your shoes had transferred to the floor beneath your seat BC (before cleaning).

Junosmom said...

Ah, yes, Chuck. That makes perfect sense. I left behind a little of my essence that day! I'll make sure to wear clean shoes on Tuesday.

Packsaddle said...

Homeschooling Mom #1: "Is that a shoe in your hand?"

Homeschooling Mom #2: "You mean this shoe? In my hand? Ummmm, yeah, I guess it is."

Homeschooling Mom #1: "I'm sorry for being so meddlesome, but why are you sniffing the bottom of your shoe?"

Homeschooling Mom #2: "Well, you know, it's actually an ancient homeschooling ritual, a process far too complicated and sacred to explain in a public restroom."

Homeschooling Mom #1: "So, basically, what you're trying to say is that you're the one who tracked the horse crap into the auditorium?"

Homeschooling Mom #2: "Precisely."

pita-woman said...

Sooo laughing out loud!!!
Chuck took the words right out of my mouth. I have visions of little manure smudges, not only by your seat, but all the way up the aisle and to the bathroom. ROFL!!!

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