Friday, January 22, 2010

Marriage Insurance

My dh and I sometimes lament over our house purchase fifteen years ago. It's not that we don't enjoy where we live. We do. I shared with him that friends that visit always remark how much they like our house. But of course, they are only commenting on the surface view. We are aware of all the underlying problems. But, I told dh, I see this house as marriage insurance. In this economy, we could never sell it with all the things we'd need to fix, and we couldn't afford another residence should he decide to trade me in for two twenties (or is it twenty-fives, now?)

Ah, the problems, though. Our plumbing, we found out sometime after we moved in and signed all those forms with blood, is aged. Not only, it was plumbed with piping that is typically used in trailer parks. And, the septic system was limping along, as evidenced by a verdent green patch of grass at the bottom of the hill.

And there is the issue of the incredible foresight of the plumber who put the overflow for this system in the garage. For some unknown reason or perhaps because of our recent deep freeze for weeks, the pipes blew out a wad of toilet paper in the garage followed by a washing machine load of water. That seemed to fix the problem, and we've been eyeing the relief valve pipe with caution. What caused the back up then?

Today, while I was on the phone, my son came to me with one half of the toilet paper holder, the spring hanging out the end where the other half should be. Now, why he was touching it at all was a mystery, for as I've spelled out here before NO ONE, I say, NO ONE, ever takes that spring thing off and puts the toilet paper roll on the holder. Yet, here he'd removed it, and dropped the other half in the toilet bowl. The now full toilet bowl if you know what I mean.

I knew that I could not flush it, for it was needed and besides, I've not yet heard the end of the time I flushed the toenail clippers rather than retrieve them from a full toilet. (Do you see the pattern here?) So, I got our pair of salad tongs and William said, "I'll do it! I'll do it!" and he fished it out and threw it in the sink. Do you think if I hold them over an open flame it will fully sanitize the vision of him using them in the toilet? Will anyone ever eat salad at my house again?

I suppose we should start a sinking fund to replace the whole system. The black ooze on the other side of the lateral lines isn't Texas gold. Dh put black plastic over the area last summer. Looked like a Kentucky slip-n-slide. Gotta good barn though. Maybe we ought to move in there with the horses.

A friend has emailed that she'd like to use our incubator bantam hen to hatch some eggs. She's bringing them over this weekend from her own hens that are aged two.

Mud. That sums up just about everything.


Anonymous said...

It was refreshing to read about your plumbing problrms as I consumed my dinner. Dad

i consumed my dinner.

i consumd my dinner

Anna said...

I am never EVER using those tongs again.

debra said...

We live in an old old house with an old old septic system. And we, too, have had the blues, the septic system blues.
As to the mud, we have that, too. As a matter fact it is a season, mud season.

pita-woman said...

I'm sorry, I just can't quit laughing.
And "no", I don't think too many of your readers will be eating salad at your house in the future. ;)


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